This Particular Bear (A re-post)

“Yep, that is a bear, alright,” the cop said as he lowered his binoculars.

“Yep,” the other cop said.  “Not too hard to spot, with the big lumbering body, the brown fur, the teeth and the sharp claws on those huge muscular paws.”

“Yeah, kind of hard to mistake a bear, when you get right down to it.  They are distinct.”
“Have you noticed where this particular bear is?”

“Yes,” the first cop said, rubbing a spot off his binoculars.  “I made a mental note of that right off.  This particular bear is up a tree.”

“Well, yes,” the second cop said, “but more than up a tree, I think.  He is very high up in a tree, in the middle of a residential street in a city not known for having much of a bear population.”

“Yes.  It is a puzzlement.”

“Thank you for that insight, Yul Brenner.  It is a puzzlement indeed.  However, the real problem, the nub of the issue, the heart of the matter in a manner of speaking is not the location of the bear.”

“I agree.  That is not the prime consideration with which we need to treat.”

“No, sir.  The question which requires our deepest and most profound cogitation is what to do about this particular bear, high up in a tree, in the middle of a residential street in a city not known for having much of a bear population.”

“I am certainly open to suggestion,” the first cop said.  He was the senior of the two, but only by a year or two.

“Well, we can wait him out.  I believe it is a truism in the field of natural science that bears are as adept at climbing down as they are at climbing up.”

“That is certainly one strategy,” the first cop said.  “However, I detect a flaw in that scenario.”

“A flaw?” said the second cop.  “Well, I never perceived it as a perfect solution, but please, elaborate.”

“Well, it seems a reasonable surmise that this particular bear has wandered to this particular neighborhood from the surrounding hills, and has done the aforementioned wandering because he is hungry.”

“A very reasonable surmise.”

“So, follow me on this.  If he was hungry when he did his original wandering, let us try to imagine his state if we, as you so succinctly phrased it, ‘wait him out’.

“Hungrier yet, I would anticipate.”

“And I think that, in the world of bears, hungry is tantamount to dangerous.  Can we agree on that point?”

“I believe the truth of that statement does not even warrant discussion.”

“Leaving us to cogitate further and, it is to be hoped, settle on a different plan.  One that would place fewer of the local citizens, not to mention ourselves, in dire, bear-oriented peril.”

“Just so,” said the first cop, raising the binoculars to his eyes again.  “In that vein, how high up would you say this particular bear is?  I make it about thirty feet.”

“My initial and quite informal measurement led me to an estimation of approximately fifty feet.  But, I suppose we can split the difference and say forty feet.  Does the application of objective data jiggle any of your neurons?  Does it toggle any interpretation?  Corral any concepts?  Develop any dispositions to our current conundrum?”

“Only one, I’m afraid.  And it is not subtle, nor neat, nor in any way a comprehensive solution.  I suggest that we shoot this particular bear with a tranquilizer.”

“Shoot him with a tranquilizer?”

“Yes.  Thus rendering his hunger academic, his location only temporary, and transforming our problem from one of confrontation into one of transportation.”

And thusly, verily, in a trice, it was accomplished.  The bear, young and spry enough to be unharmed by his involuntary plummet, was soon transported to a wooded area and released.  As he sprinted away from civilization, he did not feel under any compunction to favor his rescuers with a backward glance.

A grateful city plans to award the two erudite officers a set of Roget’s Thesaurus, and a collectors edition of “The Best Of Toody And Muldoon.”

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This Particular Bear

“Yep, that is a bear, alright,” the cop said as he lowered his binoculars.

“Yep,” the other cop said.  “Not too hard to spot, with the big lumbering body, the brown fur, the teeth and the sharp claws on those huge muscular paws.”

“Yeah, kind of hard to mistake a bear, when you get right down to it.  They are distinct.”
“Have you noticed where this particular bear is?”

“Yes,” the first cop said, rubbing a spot off his binoculars.  “I made a mental note of that right off.  This particular bear is up a tree.”

“Well, yes,” the second cop said, “but more than up a tree, I think.  He is very high up in a tree, in the middle of a residential street in a city not known for having much of a bear population.”

“Yes.  It is a puzzlement.”

“Thank you for that insight, Yul Brenner.  It is a puzzlement indeed.  However, the real problem, the nub of the issue, the heart of the matter in a manner of speaking is not the location of the bear.”

“I agree.  That is not the prime consideration with which we need to treat.”

“No, sir.  The question which requires our deepest and most profound cogitation is what to do about this particular bear, high up in a tree, in the middle of a residential street in a city not known for having much of a bear population.”

“I am certainly open to suggestion,” the first cop said.  He was the senior of the two, but only by a year or two.

“Well, we can wait him out.  I believe it is a truism in the field of natural science that bears are as adept at climbing down as they are at climbing up.”

“That is certainly one strategy,” the first cop said.  “However, I detect a flaw in that scenario.”

“A flaw?” said the second cop.  “Well, I never perceived it as a perfect solution, but please, elaborate.”

“Well, it seems a reasonable surmise that this particular bear has wandered to this particular neighborhood from the surrounding hills, and has done the aforementioned wandering because he is hungry.”

“A very reasonable surmise.”

“So, follow me on this.  If he was hungry when he did his original wandering, let us try to imagine his state if we, as you so succinctly phrased it, ‘wait him out’.

“Hungrier yet, I would anticipate.”

“And I think that, in the world of bears, hungry is tantamount to dangerous.  Can we agree on that point?”

“I believe the truth of that statement does not even warrant discussion.”

“Leaving us to cogitate further and, it is to be hoped, settle on a different plan.  One that would place fewer of the local citizens, not to mention ourselves, in dire, bear-oriented peril.”

“Just so,” said the first cop, raising the binoculars to his eyes again.  “In that vein, how high up would you say this particular bear is?  I make it about thirty feet.”

“My initial and quite informal measurement led me to an estimation of approximately fifty feet.  But, I suppose we can split the difference and say forty feet.  Does the application of objective data jiggle any of your neurons?  Does it toggle any interpretation?  Corral any concepts?  Develop any dispositions to our current conundrum?”

“Only one, I’m afraid.  And it is not subtle, nor neat, nor in any way a comprehensive solution.  I suggest that we shoot this particular bear with a tranquilizer.”

“Shoot him with a tranquilizer?”

“Yes.  Thus rendering his hunger academic, his location only temporary, and transforming our problem from one of confrontation into one of transportation.”

And thusly, verily, in a trice, it was accomplished.  The bear, young and spry enough to be unharmed by his involuntary plummet, was soon transported to a wooded area and released.  As he sprinted away from civilization, he did not feel under any compunction to favor his rescuers with a backward glance.

A grateful city plans to award the two erudite officers a set of Roget’s Thesaurus, and a collectors edition of “The Best Of Toody And Muldoon.”